10 Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life In A Long Term Relationship
When you're with a partner for so long, it's easy to get comfortable and fall into a regular routine. The sex might become scarce and underwhelming, but the good news is, there are a ton of easily enjoyable fixes. If you're feeling like you’re in a bedroom funk, here's a few ways to spice things up again. Caution: highly flammable.
#1 - Prioritize Foreplay
We love a good appetizer. Remember when you and your partner first started dating, and pulled out all the stops to impress the other? As we become more secure in a relationship, we tend to put less effort into the impression part. A big mistake here is undervaluing foreplay. Foreplay shouldn’t be an “extra” that’s only required for early stages–it should be a prerequisite every time (aside from, like, a hot quickie). Slow down and take time to tease your partner, communicating to one another what feels good and where. Foreplay creates an excitement and arousal necessary for amazing sex. Biologically, foreplay will help women self-lubricate, and more lubrication helps men maintain an erection. It also helps build a stronger emotional connection, which will probably lead to a bigger climax. Longer foreplay = better sex.
#2 - Have a Make Out Sesh (but don’t let it go any further)
Remember back in high school when making out was the best thing ever and it didn’t (always) lead to sex? Take it back to that feeling–reignite that teenager crush scenario. While making out is one of the most intimate things a couple can do, it’s one of the first things to go out the window as time goes on. Start putting in the effort to slow down and get more than a peck in when you wake up, or part ways. Create an anticipation, and cash in on that later in the day or when you reunite.
#3 - Cook dinner together (in minimal clothes)
Openly appreciating one another will help keep the spark alive almost effortlessly. Grand gestures don’t have to be pricey–the best ones are simple and thoughtful. Surprise your partner with a Date Night In by making their favorite meal in your skimpiest chef outfit. If you live together, start by excusing yourself to go “get comfortable.” If you don’t, answer the door in your favorite lingerie or a little robe. For sexy humor points, go with the apron–and nothing else. Light a candle and break open your favorite bottle of wine to share, then let your partner watch or help you cook as you sip and chat. Bonus: tell your partner what you love about them or compliment them on something they’ve done well lately, and be receptive to compliments you may receive back.
#4 - Switch Up Your Sex Location
Give your bed a break, and initiate or suggest sex somewhere you haven’t explored yet. The couch is a safe bet, but if you’re feeling particularly naughty try the kitchen counter, dining room table or an office desk. Not only will the spontaneity send a super sexy message, but it will create a memory that you can happily relive any time you’re cooking, eating or doing work.
#5 - Send a Spontaneous Sext When They Least Expect It
Just because you already know every freckle and crease on each other’s body, doesn’t mean a surprise sext shouldn’t be sent every once in a while. Whether it’s a tastefully crafted pic of you wearing next to nothing (or maybe just nothing!) or a couple of scandalous sentences, build that sexual tension to lure your baby home. Don’t overthink it; a little, “I want you inside of me” or “I can’t wait to make you cum tonight” will get those hearts pumping.
#6 - Create a sex menu
What’s cookin’, good lookin’? On your own sheets of paper, write down three sexual acts that you would like to do, divided by appetizer, entree and dessert. Compare, negotiate and come up with a menu you both find delicious, and get busy with it as your appetite for one another increases.
#7 - Create A Sexual Bucket List
Take things one step further. Sit down with your partner and each write down a list of fantasies or things you want to try with them. Swap lists, compare what you have in common, and among the things that differ, establish which ones you’re both comfortable with trying. Write down each item on separate little strips of paper, fold them up and put them in a jar. Each time you want some spice, pull from the jar and go play!
#8 - Try new things outside the bedroom
Strengthen your bond by trying new things together. Sign up for a cooking class, pottery making, a workout session (followed by some sauna time), couples massage or even a sex workshop! Sex workshops could be particularly beneficial because investing in the education of your sexuality shows that you truly care about one another’s happiness and satisfaction. Find a subject you’re both interested in—from kink workshops to tantra and everything in between.
#9 - Revive all of the activities you did together that led you to fall in love
Take it all the way back. Reminisce on the special moments that created your bond, made you fall in love, and gave you both so much pleasure. Plan out emulations of those moments to relive them together. Whether it was your first beach picnic, that place where you first exchanged “I love you’s” or your favorite restaurant, it’ll be fun to revisit those pivotal moments that fueled the love you have for each other.
#10 - Plan a sexcation
Regardless of your marital or parental status, plan time for you and your partner to get out of town alone. No kids, no stress, no responsibilities. Just the two of you, with a carefully devised plan to get. It. On. Find a cozy cabin in the woods, a cottage on the beach, or a ritzy hotel in the city, and book it for the weekend. Pack all your sexy faves—toys, outfits, chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Go offline, and fully recharge your sex life.
A lack of sexual satisfaction within a partnership can cause a rift that may cause larger or more frequent issues. Remember why you love each other, and try not to let that pilot light go out. Time together should be something celebrated in new ways all the time—prioritize your love as often as you can.